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I hardly ever get to watch television. This is probably a good thing, but sometimes I wonder. Here’s an example. By the time I get home from work, and ready to do something for entertainment, the only thing that seems to be on TV is “King of the Hill�?. Not only is King of the Hill one of my favorite educational television programs, it is also about the only thing that you can get on a $10.00 yard sale set with a coat-hanger antenna.

Most of the time, I just go about my daily routine. I go to work, eat, go to functions with my brothers, and take care of my family the best that I can with whatever time is left over. Sometimes, I even sneak in a little sleep. Often I feel bad that I don’t have enough time to spend with my family, but I still do the best that I can. I have a lot of simple tasks in my routine. It’s in these times that I use the “meditation of the simple task�? to let my mind run wild. Here are some of my thoughts and opinions on current events.

In my career as a biker I have had many choppers. I remember my first old 54 Panhead
with it’s canary yellow spray can paint job, 20�? over silver painted springer, and bad rings. I used to have to carry a pocket full of plugs just to make it across town. I remember well the days of summer work tooling around the warehouse on a Tow-Motor
(fork lift for you young folks) to gather the $600.00 to buy the thing. It was a trip for sure!
But I always had a desire to have a different kind of chopper.

“Hey ya’ll, watch this!!�? (The final words of many a fellow redneck) I yelled, as I grabbed a 27�? color TV from the top shelf at the local “super-center�? store in a city near my trailer park. The post-holiday madness had certainly struck me, as it had so many others, or I would have never been anywhere near this place! As I heaved with all my might to remove the behemoth from the rack, I also carefully tried to balance it as best as possible to prevent any damage to my new prize.

We rode so fast her pants blew off!!! Steve screamed at me from a row back. However, we had to ride fast! We were on an interstate highway traveling through a “magnetic�? zone, charged with some other-worldly “tractor beams�? that guide the average citizen to the center of the evil rodent’s empire. This specter in all his glory has duped millions of innocent people into spending their life savings on a 2 day weekend, and has the power to change (or take) lives at his whim! The zone I am speaking of exists in several places on the globe.

When I left you, my dedicated readers last month, you will remember me reminding you to be prepared for the next big blow-job coming our way in the form of a hurricane. Some of the items that I mentioned for the perfect Hurricane Party were reviewed by some of you, as I have heard from many out in the towns that you were removing some of my favorite “party girls�? to your very own trailers for your own Hurricane Parties. That being said, I will remind all of you that what comes around goes around, and you’ll be lucky if you get past the “used�? part.

I’ve been pretty tired lately, so I decided to take a vacation. You know, just run away from the trailer and the family, and all the entrapments of everyday life. I’m sure that some of you have it worse than me, with all the business networking, deadlines, cell phones, and computers and stuff, but it’s still pretty stressful being white trash. Just to a lesser degree I suppose.

In the interest of science and public service, I have devised a little test to see if you are truly like me, and a select few others that are positively “Trailer Trash“.

Take this quiz now to see how you rate. I made it simple enough for everyone! All the answers are either “Yes” or “No”. If you can’t read, ask one of your friends to read the test to you while they record the results, and remember you score one extra point if you really can’t read!
( I personally scored a 21!)

1. Did your Junior or Senior Prom have daycare?